My current job hunting situation is rather unpleasant. I must find a better way to go about this and enjoy the uncertainty and opportunities. It has to be more fun that it is right now.

The possibility of leaving Japan is making me extremely anxious. I would very much like to stay in Tokyo, but if I have better opportunities elsewhere, I must move on. However, the thought of having to leave is making me quite upset. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night already feeling what I would miss. I've appreciated everything along the way, but leaving it all behind even to pursue new adventures is still rather heart wrenching. I have had incredibly great fortune in finding family and good friends.

Why is it so difficult to move on this time? Possible factors are:
1. uncertainty of job (at this moment)
2. leaving a home where I've had all the attention I could ever want from my godmother
3. loss of self-confidence

I think if I can build up my self-confidence again, a lot of these fears would subside. There are bigger and better things waiting ahead. Whatever that comes is fate, and seeing how I've done in the past, I should do just as well and get even better. I shouldn't be afraid of anything. I just need to get out there and prove that I can do what I want to do and become the best at it. My friends will always be here for me, and definitely so will my family. Location, industry, stability are all taking a back seat. It's time to go after what I want with no fear and no regrets. There. Hopefully I can sleep tonight.