I was the walking dead today, and suitably so for Halloween. It's a real mystery why I'm still waking up early despite going to bed late.
Work was very frustrating today, because I can't seem to understand what is expected of me. It seems like my boss is giving me space to report when we have enough associate producers working that day, but at the same time, it seems like she wants to keep me in the office. The problem is, when I am in the office, there just isn't much to do when everyone is present, which is how it is most of the time. As a result, I am sitting there trying to be productive, but I don't know what to be productive with. Feeling useless is very unpleasant. Today was one of those days.
In addition, I'm still struggling with finding the "fun" and "energetic" thing that my producer seems to want me to do. When I told my mother over IM, she told me to call one of her friends who is very resourceful and well-connected, and not much older than me. I met her once, so she's not a complete stranger. But over the phone, she was a lot more imposing than in person. The whole time, I felt like I was about to feed myself to a hungry ogre. No disrespect to her, I think it was my problem that I couldn't speak her language. She spoke so fast (in Mandarin) and so much that I could hardly explain myself. The more I tried, the more cooked I felt. At some points, we were both talking at the same time, and I'm sure we were both, thinking why is she talking while I'm talking? I'm trying the wrong way. It doesn't matter what she seems to me, I'll just appear to her as rude. 失敗しました。 I really need to meet her to get things across and going, if it's to go anywhere. At least in person, it'll be more difficult for her to say "after you figure out what you want, call me, OK?" I need help with brainstorming right now. I'm stuck so far in the beginning I don't even know where to start. After we said goodbye, I wanted to scream. Goodness. I need to get smarter about this.
Look at the time. Now I will be the one looking and feeling like the ogre tomorrow.