Paddling

In crew, we pull to various strengths and speeds to make the boat move, starting from paddling to power strokes. Power strokes are long, controlled strokes where we exert all of our energy to cover the greatest distance possible. On the other end of the spectrum, paddling is what we do to recover from power strokes and we're just gliding our blade through the water without trying to move the water, while still keeping our body in motion and breathing. If we stop completely (especially after a hard race across the finish line), we may vomit or pass out, and starting up after that takes tremendous effort. Therefore it's easier in the long run to paddle in fatigue to recover, rather than stop and start up again in pain.

在西式划船，從paddling到power strokes，有不同的stroke。
Power stroke是用盡所有的力氣，讓船往前飛的stroke。
在另外一個端則是paddling，完全沒有出力的stroke，
功能是讓身體繼續move，因為尤其在剛剛拼了命過了finish line，
馬上就停下來的話，不是當場昏倒就是吐得亂七八糟，
幾乎沒辦法再讓自己開始划。
所以與其完全停下來休息然後無法再開始，
我們都是很疲憊的繼續paddle，直到稍微恢復為止。

So, these days at work, I'm paddling in pain. I'm unable to do anything more than what is required. Call it burnout, call it 五月病, call it 瓶頸, whatever. It's great that my boss from hell is out of my hair, but I still have no energy or motivation to do well, and I can't find anything to look forward to or anyone to look up to. Everything I see is negative.

所以我現在在工作上，就是痛苦的在paddling。
除了做到能交代，已經沒有別的力氣。
說是burnout，說是日本新鮮社會人的"五月病"，
說是瓶頸，說是過勞，隨便啦。
雖然已經沒有之前那魔頭老闆讓我要死不活的，
但是我還是沒有動力或motivation把事情做得更好，
也沒有讓我崇拜的對象，期待的事情。
所有的東西都變成負面的。

Here's a sample:
- our chief editor turning increasingly nasty and yelling at nearly everyone - it doesn't make anything better or anyone's work easier!
- my coworker going on a trip to South America with the Minister of Education - why? it's not his beat, it's mine!
- getting ridiculous assignments I don't even want my name or voice associated with - "How to avoid/delay getting drunk at year-end parties?" Drink less!
- getting ordered to show up at the Ministry of Education at 7h30 to see if we can get a shot of the minster walking in with reporters chasing after him with questions like "how do you feel about not having to resign until 20 May?" Of course, we did not get a shot of him. He snuck into his own office building using the postal clerk's entrance or the back door or the motorcycle parking lot door while we waited at the main entrance.

舉個例：
- 採訪中心主任最近越來越恐怖，幾乎是看到人就罵。
又不會解決事情，也不會讓我們更好做事，為什麼要這樣？
- 我同事要陪教育部長到南美洲。
為什麼？又不是他的線，是我的線耶！
- 被派一些不想掛名也不想自己過音的採訪，"如何防酒醉？
就不要喝那麼多啊！
- 被派早上七點半在教育部堵部長，拍他一邊走進去，
一邊被記者追問"部長，可以到520再總辭，您感覺如何？"
當然拍不到！我們在前門堵，他就從郵差側門，後門，
或摩托車停車場門進去他的辦公大樓啊。

There are rational answers and positive ways to look at all of these issues, but the effort is just too monumental. Although I get along with almost everyone quite well, I find no inspiration and no comfort in any of them. Many of them are nice and professional people, but it's as if we're in totally different dimensions of the same world.

雖然這每一件事情都有原因，也可以有正面的看法，
但現在對我而言，是個巨無霸的effort。
雖然我和辦公室的人都處得不錯，
但是從他們，我得不到inspiration或comfort。
很多都人很好，也很專業，但是好像和我生存在完全不同的世界。

Because I have a greater goal in mind, I force myself to believe that this is the boot camp that is required at this time.

因為我心裡有更大的目標，我強迫我自己相信，
這個訓練是我在這個階段必須接受的。

I must believe that I am the beginning of a semi-precious stone, and I must be able to endure the extreme heat and pressure of the coal that is still a part of me, to make me valuable, to make me a treasured diamond. I must believe.

我一定要相信我是一個剛開始成形的半寶石，
我一定要忍耐，讓煤炭上的heat和pressure，
把我變成一個又閃亮又珍貴的鑽石。
I must believe.